Dear ladies,
I was hoping you all could offer some wisdom on a particular aspect of child training. How do you get small children to sit still at church?!?!?! We have tried various things with our two, but we have not found anything that provides the type of result we are looking for. Is it too much to expect of a two-year-old to be able to sit somewhat still and quiet for 45 mins? I am at my wits end! I so long to be able to sit with the church and just soak up the Word. Instead, I find myself wrestling wiggly children and getting only tidbits of the message. Any practical tips would be a tremendous blessing! Thank you in advance! I am so blessed to have so many wonderful women to draw from.
Jane
Dear Jane,
You will get alot of diffrent advise and can try these things and see what works best for you. I think the first thing is that not all children are the same. So what works for Maggie may not work for Gary. I must admit, Mike is pretty easy. I do remember leaving to go to the nursery ocassionally with him, but we usually ended up back at Church. If the child knows the nursery is available, they will want to resort back to that as they get older. So if you have been taking them to the nursery, that would be in my advise the last place to go if at all possible. If Maggie gets to acting up, leave right away with her, ( so she won't interupt others, but also so she knows what you expect from her.) but take her someplace other than the nursery. Talk with her or it need be give her a swat, then talk and tell her what you expect. It may be hard at first, but you will probably be leaving a lot the first few times. Now I know some people want them to sit like zoombies for 1 - 3 hours, but I don't require that. I know it can be hard for adults to do, so how can we ask children too? Mike sits with us for Sunday school and Church. I usually take a drink and then for church sometimes a (not messy) snack. Also nutritional, or expect them to bounce all over. He is usually content to sit on laps, sometimes we let him walk between us if we have been in alot of church services latey. Sometimes I get lots of kisses from him. I try not to let him get to mushy. I have had a lady say she thinks it is so cute how he loves on me. But if it lingers to long I distract him. Just lately we will take a book or colorings, or 1-2 small hand held quiet toys. He likes to be holding something in his hand.
I have also noticed that he does best if he is kept away from Sandy as well, so does she. He shares with her, but somehow Sandy likes to push his buttons, or something. Maybe she just gets in more trouble because she talks to him or wants his toys. I have noticed that she has to stay busy. That is how children differ. Sometimes it is age, sometimes personality. So you may find it easier if Joe cares for the one, while you care for then other. At least during the beginning training process. And try to keep Gary in church as much now, as you can. It is better to take several small trips out, that to just give up and end up in the nursery. Do try to sit near the back, and deal with it quickly. That way they get quick discipline and you get back into church sooner.
Well, I hope this gives you some ideas. It's a training process but can be a great bonding time too. Just think, when they get Brady and Brianna's age, you will be wondering how to keep them awake during Church service. During the past few weeks with girls softball, horseback riding , missions conference, late nights and early mornings these girls have had a few times it was hard to stay awake!
Well have a great Monday!
Joy
Dear Jane,
Hello friend. In regards to your e-mail, I hesitate to answer just because we are still struggling with GARRET in this area! (and he is 5!) J
I think 30 minutes-45 minutes is a good goal to head toward. For us, 30 minutes into the sermon we would allow 2 books on our lap and the toddler could very quietly flip through them (board books do not make noise) When the pastor would start his sermon, I would tell them “sit quietly” that was their signal that it was time to be quiet and sit still on our laps but we knew that would only last so long (30 minutes) , I did not give the book to the child once they started squirming and getting bored. Then I am training them that when they get bored and start moving around that they get rewarded. I would say quietly “you need to sit still” then I would make sure to keep my eye on the clock and pull out the books after 30 minutes and whisper “you can look at these quietly”.. For one child, I had to do that 20 minutes into the sermon because they were just more wiggly in general. That usually worked pretty well. But really, the best training is done at home. Do you ‘practice’ church? That really helped our child training when we tried to set things up here so that we could discipline in the privacy of our home. When we were faithful to that, it made a huge difference out in public. So when Daddy would read the Bible, I would tell the toddler “sit still and be quiet” I would warn for a few days but after I knew they knew what they were supposed to be doing, Daddy or I would take them out and spank them. I might even say “now, what are you going to do?” child:“sit quietly” Daddy or Mommy: “right.” Then I knew they ‘got it’ and I had no problem disciplining for disobedience. For us, we would work on sitting still in Mommy or Daddy’s lap for say, 10 minutes, then moved to 15 minutes until we got up to the 30 minutes which I think is very reasonable for a 2 year old. It just may take you a month to get there. But that is fine!
Bless you! Love, Kim McIver
Jane,
I agree with the responses so far!
We practice during Bible time at home! Let them know what you expect. Follow through. I usually had to leave and spank an average of 2 times per sermon.
We bring special "Sunday" items that are only for Sunday. Color books with a Bible theme, and for more energetic children, (boys in my house) we have brought a small amount of modeling clay. (only to be used when we are able to control what they do with it.) This is a way that they can be physical and still quiet. This only works with certain personalities in my family and we had to quit. How about a quiet puzzle with a Bible theme?
Throughout the week talk about Sunday with anxious expectation. Tell them we are practicing for the LORD"S SPECIAL DAY! Tell them how you look forward to their progress.
We had a success this week with Annalise! We talked about it this week. I reminded her on the way to church. On the way home we talked about what a lady she was and how proud we are and we knew she could do it. She reminded me again about it today. Now we're working on consistently closing our eyes during prayer as to honor God, also singing the hymns. When they don't know the words I encourage them to hum along.... Every 5 minutes or so, I try to smile at them or tell them how great they're doing and to keep up the good work.
I am just now experiencing a sermon w/o having to leave all the time......I am thinking, "If I have another baby now, I will be starting all over again. (in many areas).
We do have the benefit now of older children. That helps! You have this to look forward to!
I always believed a husband and wife should sit together during church....and I LOVE to sit close to my hubby. BUT......we have had to strategically place everyone so the 3 littles are separated and we can each have charge of one small one. So, for now I do not get to sit next to Brian....we joke about it and say, "someday". We will work toward the small ones sitting together later. First we will conquer the bigger issues, and hopefully the other issues will fall into place!
Each child is different. Claim James 1:5 ---- I really will preach this over and over. We need God's wisdom for each moment, with each child, and with each situation. There is never a "system" that works all the time for all situations. I have pleaded for God to help me and have mercy when I feel I've reached a dead end, or can't go on another step, and then HE usually gives me a very simple solution! (even when I'm stuck on an Algebra problem with a teen)! Or He gives grace to continue on..
It will take time. I am still working with my youngest two children. Most everyone in church understands!! So, you will be supported!
You will miss lots of sermons and we (mamas) are probably the ones who need them most! Just accept that part and move on.....not to be harsh, but real! Ask God for other times and ways to get that much needed sermon, or precious words from HIM! HE IS FAITHFUL! He will help.
In Christ's Love,
Mama Honeybee
xoxoxo
Hi Jane,
Yesterday I got the e-mail Melissa sent you. Our computer has filters on it which don't allow us to receive e-mails from people who are not on our allow list. I have not had the chance to put people from the church on the list which means I missed your original e-mail. I'm SO glad Melissa "replied to all" so I got it that way. You are now on my allow list so I'll get future e-mails. The bad thing about the filter is that I don't even get "junk mail" or know anyone is trying to send things to me. But with kids in the house who use the computer we just felt we needed these extra filters. All that to say.... I got the e-mail but only know what Melissa told you. So, if I repeat things please bear with me.
You asked if it is too much to expect a two-year-old to be able to sit still for 45 minutes. My answer to that is a quote from a lady giving me advice when Joe was an infant. She said, "there is no child like your child and no mother like you, and there is not child/mother relationship like yours. So you do what you feel best and don't worry what other people think." That helped me more than I can say as I walked through motherhood with young children. So, I don't know if there is a "textbook" answer to your question. I think you have to judge your child to determine when they are ready. I DO believe that children need to learn to sit still. But I also think the "when" may differ from child to child. To be honest, I don't really remember at what age our kids were expected to sit still in church. We didn't put them in the nursery and I did spend a lot of time in the halls of church!!
I can really relate to your wanting to sit in church and soak up the Word. I believe mothers of young children need that, perhaps, more than most!! I also must admit I didn't handle that part of my motherhood well. I'm ashamed to admit that. I don't think I would say I resented my kids but at times I think I resented that aspect of motherhood. I've repented of that but can't go back and do it again. But I do agree with Melissa - accept the fact that you will miss much of the sermon and move on. My other favorite saying - "This is only a season and it will pass." Again, I can really relate because there are only 6 years between Joe and John. So, I spent a lot of years missing sermons. When John was born it made four children six and under sitting in the pew.
One thing that could really help you is that they put the sermons on the internet. I would suggest you listen to them some evening or during nap time. Then you'll feel like you are hearing what everyone else at church heard and will be able to talk about the sermon when others are talking about it. If your daughter is moving out of nap time I'd like to suggest maintaining a "quiet time" in your home. We STILL have that time in the day. No one usually sleeps, and they are not required to, but they are required to stay on their beds and be quiet. It gives us all a break from the hustle and bustle of the day, and from each other. We will likely continue this routine until my kids move from home. That would give you time to spend in the Word or listening to the sermon.
More practically, I know people who expect their children to sit still and do nothing during the sermon. I found that if my kids could draw or color they actually paid more attention. It is like keeping their hands active allowed their ears to work better. Again, that would depend on your child. But I, like Melissa, had a bag of "church only" color books, books, quiet toys, etc. And, while not totally consistent, we did practice at home during family devotions time.
Prayer, prayer and more prayer will give you wisdom on what is best for your family and your little ones. I know that I chose to keep my kids with me and didn't use nurseries. However, there were times I really should have done something so I could get fed and go into the week more spiritually filled up. I'm at a time in life where I sit through all the sermons - and that time WILL come for you. Yet, I want to put this offer out to you: If you EVER feel like you NEED to be there and yearn for someone to take your child to the nursery or (what is that room called where we have potluck???) PLEASE PLEASE call on us. If you chose not to, we certainly will understand. A mother's heart wants to be with her kids. But, the offer is there and will remain there!! I know Joseph feels the same way. So, please feel free to ask either of us for help. We'd be delighted to help out in that way!! One day your kids will be sitting still and quiet. Until you feel it is time for that training please call on us.
And know that we understand and will pray for you!
Amanda
